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Learning to Count Past Two

I wrote the following essay to read at a presentation I did to a graduate psychology class (future school psychologists) in Arkansas in the 90s. (Interesting side note: the professor who was interested in me talking to her students about gender did not gain tenure at UCA. I've often wondered why that was.)

The image to the right is entitled Boxes.

I read a paper by Jamison Green which includes some interesting thoughts about appearances such as this. I thought I'd read a bit I find quite humorous.

 photo JamisonGreen.jpg

Stepping in front of the class we become laboratory rats, frogs in the dissection tray, interactive multimedia learning experiences. 

"'How old were you when you first realized you were a frog, Mr. Green?'

"'How did your parents react when you told them you were a frog?"

"Do you date? Do you tell your partners you're a frog?"

"So how does it work? I mean, uh, can you, like, do it?"

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Nothingness and Being

Sand photo sand2.jpgIn the wayback, when I first began transition in 1992, we had this newfangled email thing which I hd been using, but I was using it less than efficiently. My daughter's partner persuaded me to join the Sappho email list, claiming that might be helpful to stem the tide of isolation I was beginning to feel. Sappho was a list started by a straight woman for lesbians. Shortly after I joined that list, I learned about the Transgen email list for transgender people which had been established by Julie Waters, so I joined that as well.

And I got extremely busy on those lists. I used to check the site usage for the college and found that it was not unusual to have about three quarters of the incoming email for the site headed in my direction.

About three months after I transitioned, the Mosaic web browser was released. So One could go look at the webpages available...but they were pretty sparse. By 1995 a company called GeoCities was created which allowed users to build their own websites.

I was an early adopter. I homesteaded in the WestHollywood neighborhood (number 8440). I began publishing some of my writings there...Including the diary of my last month before surgery (blogging, as it were), which I had shared with members of the Owls (Older Wiser Lesbians) email list which had been spun off of Sappho in 1994 (I was a founding member).

The piece I am sharing today was created during that period. I've dusted the mold off of it and repaired a few rips here and there. Last weekend in my Spirituality diary I posted that I was searching for my list of Life Lessons.

Found them :-)

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Despondency

This essay was first published in the summer of 2008. I've decided it belongs in my autobiography to represent the grey times.

it was a grey day, full of grey people leading their grey lives.


Hollow 3

Each day I can watch him trudging home from wherever he has been. Fortunately it is downhill from the bus stop to where he lives. He never smiles, eyes focused on the ground a few feet in front of his pace.

Beaten down.

The world so heavy that he can't even look up.

Shoulders sagging under the weight of the last straw, and the last straw before that... and the one before that. A succession of so many minor beatings to the ego that he flinches reflexively at anything, everything, expecting the worst

Back bent from too many sorrows.

And you want him to rise up?

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Inclusion

Once upon a time...

Okay, so I've already told most of the story about how I got to be where I am...and who I am. But there is more. There is always more. It would take another lifetime to include everything.

 photo pflag_logo_zpsh65qzwel.jpgAfter transitioning and surgery and all that, some of which has been told and some of which is coming soon, I failed in an attempt to move to Seattle during the last half of 1995. When I returned to Arkansas, I decided that if I couldn't choose where I lived, it was time to change the place that I lived. I got involved with PFLAG first since my daughter was a lesbian. Protecting the children should come first.

Later I became a member of the board of the Arkansas Gay and Lesbian Task Force. But first and foremost I considered myself as a PFLAG mom. Hell hath no fury life a PFLAG mom.

This was first presented at a PFLAG regional conference in Tulsa in 1998 and published shortly thereafter at my Geocities West Hollywood website. Looking around on the Google yesterday, I noticed that several people and organizations still link to it...even though I took down my site when Yahoo first claimed that my work was their intellectual property.

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Money

Apparently when I was born, I was entered into this huge game, the Game. I never chose to play it. Apparently I can't opt out.

Money: There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.

--Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC), Antigone

 

 

 

Restart.
 

 

 

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