Two weeks to go and I'm full of the spirit...
I don't know about anybody else, but I find this time of year stressful, I always have, even before I had kids, kids who want stuff, stuff I can't afford, stuff that's now a collector's item, stuff he's seen on YouTube...get off that damn computer, Dan! Where was I? Oh, yes--stress. Rather than a full on Festivus style airing of the grievances, I thought I'd throw out a small pre-Yule list of petty annoyances. Just a small pressure release valve sort of thing. It won't change anything, and some of them are totally trivial, but I'll feel better~
Dad, did it ever occur to you that when you downsize the tree that the angel you used on the old tree is going to look freakishly large on the new one? No, she's fully a third of the size of the tree, it's fine, really. (rolls eyes)
Damn you, CBS! I watch exactly two network shows and you had to move one of them to Sundays at ten. Did I say ten? Oh, well during football season that could mean anywhere from ten to who the hell knows. Oh, some weeks you put it on the schedule at ten-thirty? That fixed exactly nothing, my DVR still doesn't know run over for twenty more minutes. I understood and was not unhappy with quick and merciful cancelation that resulted for CSI Miami from this same time slot shift last year, but The Mentalist? Nay! Nay! Put it back, you bastards!
Look, let's just plan the Christmas dinner as we always enjoyed it for all of these years and not try to cater it in some way to what Mom may or may not eat. We saw how that worked out at Thanksgiving, didn't we? She'll decide she's hated lima beans her entire life right at the table. Why are we even talking about this? We'll just heat up some peas and have them on hand, it'll be fine.
If I never hear another retail chain bastardize a Christmas tune for their commercial it will be too soon. Not as egregious of an offense as bastardizing a good rock or pop tune, but still. Pay somebody to write your ass a jingle, it's not you're economizing so you can pay your workers a living wage or anything silly like that.
Stop pressuring me to take joy in certain seasonal activities. You see the carolers on the street and run to turn on your porch light and ready the cookies. Me? I say, 'Oh, shit! Dim the lights and get in the dining room, there's carolers on the street!" I just can't stand at the front door smiling and nodding approvingly while a group of strangers sings Oh Here We Come A Wassailing and they are not getting any of my cookies.
And while we're on the subject of joy, just because my joy doesn't resemble yours in any way don't assume that I'm not joyful, trust me, I am. It's just that I find my joy in little bursts here and there throughout my day, Holiday season or not. You want to see more joy? Stop all the pressure and I'll stop stressing and that will go a long way towards more joy. That and a local newscaster flubbing live on the air. Just be in the room with me when one of them says something like, "...at a local yumber lard" and you will see a person filled with glee~